The Law of Money and Distance
By Stuart Wilde
In order to be abundant, we have to be close to money. Often our relationship to money follows a push-pull, love-hate pattern similar to our other relationships. Sometimes a marriage or an interpersonal relationship may seem intimate on the surface, but in reality it might be quite distant on an emotional level. It may be that one of the partners is pushing the other away, or that they’re both pushing each other away perhaps because they’re silently angry at each other.
You have to look at the distance between you and money. Are you close to it and pulling it to you, or are you distanced from it and/or pushing it away? Naturally, the closer you are to money, the more likely you are to receive plenty of it.
The law of distance breaks out into three distinct categories: emotional, intellectual, and physical distance.
Let’s talk about emotional distance first. If you have subconsciously established an emotional distance from money over the years, and if that distance is embedded deep in your mind, an anti-money veneer develops around you like a rhino’s skin. It’s a bubble of energy that disempowers you, denying you access to the green stuff.
n a weird way, the anti-money veneer is trying to protect you from acquiring money. It establishes itself over the years. It’s partly due to any anti-money feelings you hold, as discussed previously, but mostly it is sustained by what you feel about yourself.
One example is self-hate. If you don’t respect yourself, it’s hard for people to grant you worth, so people will always undervalue you. If, say, you’ve always felt yourself to be an outcast, you may exclude yourself from the marketplace of life because you’ve excluded yourself socially.
So, you may find that you’re always just too late for the real money; you just miss the boat because your energy isn’t inclusive enough. Not being able to include yourself, you find a subtle way to deny yourself the very thing you want.
Meanwhile, you may still act out the chase, trying for the deal but not quite making it. This way you can feel okay about your efforts. You can kid yourself that you’ve tried real hard, but deep down you had your inner sabotage program ready to kick in. It’s the mind’s way of falsely endorsing itself, saying, “I tried hard, so I must be righteous and good; and I only just missed. What bad luck. It’s not my fault.” You see yourself as an honorable struggler denied through no fault of your own.
Similarly, if you don’t feel you are worthy or if, say, toxic shame was imposed upon you at a young age by your family, you may feel bad or worthless. So it may be hard for you to know you are worthy of love and appreciation. And in this case, you’d also have the tendency to give yourself away too cheaply. You become the suffering servant, abused and vilified no matter how sincere you are. It’s your shame coming back at you. It’s very subtle sometimes; shame is a rotten little critter that tries to eat your sandwiches when you are least aware.
Shamed individuals beg for approval by undervaluing themselves. No matter how good they are and how much they do, they will never feel worthwhile until they heal the shame. If shame is a problem for you, read Healing the Shame that Binds You (Health Communications, 1988), by John Bradshaw. It’s a wonderful book, and Bradshaw is a cool dude. He’ll help you get your head around the problems of toxic shame.
Shame and self-love is another one of those seminars we sign up for. You heal it by accepting yourself. Easier said than done for some, but in the end you have to let go and not resist; you have to control your mind and come to reconciliation. “I am what I am, and what I am has a spark of the God Force in it. And the God Force is all compassion and forgiveness. If I can align with that compassion and forgiveness, I can forgive myself and go past my shame.” Which, after all, may not amount to very much anyway.
By the way, make up your mind to forgive others for their transgressions. You can never forgive yourself if you hold on to antagonisms. Past events are history. Today we’re writing a new history—a happy tale about how well you did, and how loving and accepting you are of yourself. It’s a little book written in the stars called, Cutting Myself Lots of Slack. A bestseller, I reckon!
Kick the shame and make yourself right, no matter what; otherwise, that pesky critter nibbles on your leg, costing you money all the way. Don’t undervalue yourself to win acceptance. Remember, there’s no shortage of money, and it’s fair and reasonable to charge for your energy and your time; it’s the way you endorse yourself.
To close the distance between you and money, you have to detach from a negative self- image, and you must include yourself in. You have to join money and life in your feelings. You have to make yourself right and okay. You must know you are worthy. But, more than that, you must be able to tell others you are worthy—by asking for their money without allowing self-hate and shame to bite ya bum.
Many believe that asking for money is unholy or wrong. Most won’t even admit they want the money they aren’t asking for. Weird! Our society is preprogrammed to keep us all poor. You don’t have to ask for oxygen, and money is a type of oxygen. You can’t operate out of “If I don’t breathe, will you love me? If I don’t charge you, will you consider me holy and good and a nice person? Will you accept me?”
If asking is an issue for you, practice, practice, practice. Start at the bathroom mirror. Imagine your customers, boss, whomever, there in front of you. Imagine them asking you, “How much do I owe you?” And see yourself smiling as you pause to mentally double your price, and listen while you say unashamedly, “$30,000, thank you.” See your hand out, waiting to receive your self-worth in the solid-particle form.
Once you realize that the emotional distance between you and money might have occurred because you’ve acted against yourself in the past—disempowering your chances, establishing a distance between you and money—you can fairly easily click your mind and start including yourself.
A good thing to do, as part of your abundance affirmation, is to include yourself in socially. Go the street party, show up at the dance, attend church, seek people out, and make it a discipline to include yourself. Remember, the more people you know, the easier it is to make money; people are the custodians of the planet’s wealth. Knowing people is almost as good as cash in the bank.
If you have created an emotional distance between you and money in the past, take a moment to ponder on what those emotions might be. Write them down and really look at them. See where they came from. Then realize that all you have to do is change your mind, and act out that change by sidling up to where the moolah is.
At the same time, you have to work on how the bubble of anti-money protection built up around you. Some of it is shame, as I said, but most of it is suppressed anger. Once you identify what feelings you have suppressed, you can start owning them.
Once you realize you are angry you can release it. Whack the cushions with a bat. Rant and scream and shout. Release the anger, saying, “I am angry because I’m not getting paid as much as I’m really worth.” Let it go.
You can change the situation later and raise your prices, but first you must release the emotion. You can’t get a pay raise when you’re angry. People will react to the negative energy and will resist you. They’ll perceive—consciously or subliminally—that you don’t love yourself, so why should they acknowledge you? They may even try to cut your money because they see that you are devaluing yourself. Write down on a scrap of paper what it is that irritates or frustrates you, the things that make you angry about money and the way it flows into your life. If you perceive that certain people are blocking your access to money, include them on your list. Try to be honest with yourself. Telling yourself little fibs and being covert with yourself is partly how you established the distance in the first place.
Truth may be uncomfortable in the short term, but it’s preferable to the long-term frustration, anger, and struggle that come from a lack of awareness—especially if you have to sustain a lot of half-truths or lies. Say, for example, you tell yourself you’re working hard, but you know that you are mostly doing “busy work” and avoiding the difficult stuff. And that you’re loading up on actions that look good but get you nothing. If this is so, you might get very pissed off by your lack of results, without being aware that you are acting as a terrorist against yourself, sabotaging your bottom line.
Once you are honest, you can make adjustments. If, for example, you kid yourself that you are brilliant at what you do—when, in fact, your performance is sloppy and inferior—it limits your ability to get to the truth and really improve. Usually you’ll claim that your lack is because of outside forces, luck or whatever. Most people you meet are fairly useless at what they do; you know that because you see it every day. Now this sloppiness of attitude, this laziness and lack of effort, does not necessarily apply to you, but we can all evaluate and improve, can we not?
On the other hand, you might have created an emotional distance between you and money because you have capped what you will give. So you might eke out your energy, limiting what you will provide or do for others while expecting the Universe-at-Large to dollop great quantities of goodness upon you effortlessly. You have to be ready to serve and to give. You don’t have to give money away necessarily, especially if you don’t have much. But you do have to give of your heart. You have to be emotionally generous and willing and open, not tight-assed and closed.
If you expect the Universe-at-Large to increase your income ten times, it’s hard for that to happen if your heart is closed and you are no bigger as a person than you were before. It’s simple to comprehend. Big heart=big money. Little heart=little money, and lots of rip-offs, missed opportunities, deals that go sour, etc., etc., ad infinitum. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, anyone can work that out.
So, closing the emotional distance means opening your heart, going past your resistance, stepping up to bat, and including yourself in the process of life. You have to be present and aware. You have to join, not avoid, the issue.
So be open; be ready, willing, limitless; agree to serve. Subjugate your ego for the needs of others, but don’t lose your sense of self. Be available, open, and ready, but don’t give yourself away either. You can hold on to a strong sense of self-worth and still serve others. It’s part of our great lesson in life. It’s the act of going from a limited perspective to an infinite one that says money is everywhere, and the more open I am, the greater the potential for me to pull opportunities from everywhere.
Many people resent money because they feel life hasn’t been fair to them, that they’ve worked hard and haven’t received as much as they should have. Or that they are paid less than other people with inferior qualities to them. However, harboring these negative emotions only widens the gap between yourself and money.
The other concept that fuels this emotional distance is the idea that somebody ought to provide for you; that somehow the world owes you a living. The world does not owe you a living. You have to nurture and provide for yourself. This is the secret to closing the gap between you and money. Rather than blaming others, projecting your disquiet and lack, or your anger about money onto other people, begin to own your feelings.
The intellectual distance between us and money usually results from a lack of understanding or knowledge. Sometimes, we just don’t know enough about what we are trying to achieve, or we are not well versed in the conditions of the marketplace—the ebb and flow of transactions.
It boggles my mind the way many go into deals without knowing the people concerned, having little information to guide them. Or they accept on face value the information presented without checking to see if it is accurate or not. That’s not very clever.
Another important point is that many people never bother to really learn their job or trade. Knowledge is power. The more knowledge, expertise, and connections you have, the easier it is for you to make a profit at the game of your choice.
Ask yourself, Do I have enough information about the marketplace, and/or the particular area of creativity I want to be involved in? Am I a long way from the flow of information, an amateur in a professional’s world? Or am I ready and up to bat? Maybe all you need to experience real abundance is to improve your knowledge and close the intellectual distance.
In passing, let me mention another thing that can cause intellectual distance between you and money. There are a lot of money snobs out there: people who believe money is beneath them and that it’s not stylish or proper to go for the cash. They are elitists at heart, so they seek to elevate themselves above the concerns of common people by feigning a disregard for the things that concern ordinary folk. Things like earning a living and turning a buck.
Sometimes this elitism is a social-class thing. Sometimes it’s a form of spiritual elitism, where a person feels far too holy-moly to be dealing with the trappings of the real world. Don’t be a money snob—unless, of course, you’ve inherited millions—then you can do what you like. The rest of us have to deal with life day to day, and money is a part of taking responsibility and accepting the system.
You might as well enroll for the seminar and get it right quick. That’s the most pleasing way; it takes you to harmony and well-being and a stress-free existence via the shortest route. The matter of physical distance is simple to comprehend. Certain industries are located in certain places in the world. If you’re a long way from where the action is, you may want to consider closing the gap. For example, if you want to make it big in movies, you’ve more or less got to be in New York or LA. It’s pointless being in Arkansas if you want to be in films.
Closing the physical distance is a matter of showing up in the marketplace, becoming a face that people know, demonstrating your expertise, and getting into the loop where the movers and shakers are. People who could bestow great opportunities upon you—perhaps hire you or give you a contract—aren’t scouring the distant hills for talent. They’re in the flow. The people they know and socialize with are also in the business. And they are communicating with those others who made the effort to show up and declare themselves in the loop.
So, to make it, you have to go beyond your resistance, your shyness or inhibition, and head into the marketplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re not ready. If, say, you are a composer of pop music and you haven’t got all your songs or demos together, you’ve still got to declare yourself in. It’s a physical, emotional, and intellectual declaration. You have to know what you’re doing, be aware of which record companies are buying what acts, who’s up and who’s down, what’s happening and what isn’t. It’s also a physical declaration of saying, “I’m going to go past my shyness, and I’m going to make the connections and enter the loop, because knowing people is a very big part of closing in on my dream. I’m going to appear and play my songs in clubs, I’m going to put out demos, and I’m going to become a commodity. Sooner or later I will be noticed, and a great prize will descend upon me.”
The metaphysics of distance is connected to the subtle bioelectric energy field (the etheric) that surrounds you. It is a map of your feelings. When you’re a long way from money— emotionally, intellectually, or physically—your subtle energy will lean forward toward the few money sources you do have. It will lean against people, begging for opportunities, begging for life to cut you some slack, or begging for a miracle to cover your phone bill. Your subtle energy becomes sloppy because you’re leaning away from your power, toward what you perceive as the lifeboat.
When you are solid—when you are taking action, working on yourself—your etheric is strong and powerful. It’s not leaning up against life, trying to pillage it. It is standing straight, saying, “I am working on myself, collecting knowledge, processing my feelings, improving my performance. I’ve brought myself to the marketplace, and I’m at peace with myself. I know money flows; I know fantastic opportunities are available to me. I don’t have to lean against people. I can wait, watch, and pick my moment. I’m not whining and begging, globbing on to people like some sort of sticky goop, hoping they’ll elevate me or cut me a special deal.”
In the metaphysics of distance, you don’t lean up against what you want, because in doing so you push it away. Stand straight, nurture yourself, crown yourself king or queen, and work on things that are practical—things that endorse and help you.
It’s a simple thing to sit in meditation and differentiate between your intellectual attitude to money and your deep inner feelings. Most people would like to have more of it, but you have to ask yourself if there is a contradiction between what you say you want: “Hey I want more abundance in my life,” and what you actually fee.
Closing the emotional distance is just a matter of deciding, or looking at, what your deep inner-core beliefs are about money—how you will emotionally get off the island of lack, and row yourself over to the mainland where the market is bustling with activity and cash is flowing.
In a moment of quiet time, write down a list of those feelings and attitudes you have about abundance. Be aware of any non-actions that have distanced you from money. Try to discover your core beliefs. Who are you? What would make you happy? What’s real and possible and fun, and what’s just the ego’s disquiet? Delve deep within and ponder; pondering is good medicine. Discovering what you really want saves you endless confusion and wasted energy.
Use your feelings to differentiate between vague yearnings of the ego and your deep, innermost desires and needs. In this way, you will eliminate blocks and highlight any contradictions that may exist.
For example, many would like to be millionaires, but subconsciously they know that making millions often takes a lot of effort, and with that comes a lot of stress. So, intellectually, they would like millions, but their inner truth is different. In effect, their subconscious protects them from something that sounds good to the ego but would actually be a living nightmare.
Looking at the distance between you and money teaches you things. Perhaps all you really need is a bit more money and a bit more security. Now, it may seem an odd thing to say, but you can’t get security by earning money. Earning money involves activity, and all activity burns energy, so eventually that energy burn-out makes you insecure. Low energy=fear; high energy=security.
The only way you can increase security is to nurture yourself. All insecurity comes from the fear of collapse: the collapse of a situation, of your life, a business, whatever. So if you need more security, work on your body, be kind to yourself, sleep more, rest, hang out in nature, and do nice things for yourself. No amount of money in the world can make you secure. Of course you can combine hard work with self-care, but you have to work at it.
I was having dinner with Deepak Chopra recently. He’s a successful author and lecturer, constantly jetting around the world. Yet he maintains balance by finding time to work out no matter where he is and by maintaining a very healthy diet. He told me that every three months he takes five days off on his own. He goes somewhere remote, like a desert, and stays there in silence—no phones, no people, nothing but him and silence. It’s a brilliant idea. He rebuilds his energy by pulling back, and then he’s ready to zip around for another three months.
Get in touch with who you are. See which motivations are real and which ones come from just the intellect and ego. Perhaps you don’t really need the aggravation of piles and piles of activity and responsibility. Perhaps all you need is a carefree life with some good creativity, loads of friends, and plenty of fun and games.
In the end, you must both take care of the inner spiritual self and satisfy the many needs of the outer self. It’s a balancing act—like everything is a balancing act.
If you look within and discover that making piles of money is your thing, but you worry about the contradiction that may exist within you, don’t despair. It’s easy to change the subconscious. You just tell it you have decided to change. You can easily rewrite your subconscious mind; you just keep telling it something different.
You may have to do so over a period of days and weeks, but it’s simple to agree to change your mind. It’s also easy to see that abundance comes from closing all of the gaps. That idea of itself gives one a lot of hope and determination for the future.
And, of course, it’s not just the emotional, intellectual, and physical gaps between you and money. The real gap is always between what you think you want and what you actually want, deep down. Once you arrive at the truth, deep within, you’ve come home spiritually. You have returned to the source, where your divinity exists.
In there, you will find the truth, the meaning of life. And you will see what it is you want to do, what you want to offer to the world in this lifetime. It’s there in the deepest recesses that you find your connection to all things. From that stems a sense of immortality, and from that comes security. Bingo!
Meanwhile, you probably could use more cash, so, as a part of your action plan, do this: Get your checkbook out and write yourself a nice fat check, payable to you and postdated. Then pin it up on your fridge or bulletin board and look at it from time to time.
A friend of mine who opened a shop wrote herself a check for ten million Australian dollars and postdated it five years. Her shops did well and she probably had a few million when a company proposed that she franchise her stores. The deal was worth about seven million. The franchise deal came in with just a few days of the five years left.
In the end, she decided she was into creativity—not into accountants and lawyers and all the stress that comes with a deal like that—so she didn’t follow through. She was satisfied, though, because the Universe did provide for her check to be made good, even though she didn’t take the potential seven million on offer, which would have given her a total of ten million. I’m sure she’ll get her ten million in the end. She’ll just go about it in a less stressful way, a way that suits her creativity.